Hey There
by completerandomness12
Summary: Sequel to Hello Again. Famous power couple Edward and Bella couple juggle a budding empire and 5 rowdy kids. Will things go smoothly or will fame whores and gossip hounds ruin their perfect life?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello lovelies!**

 **Welcome to the first chapter of the Hello Again sequel. If you haven't read HA, I recommend hopping over to my profile and read it. The first chapter was originally the epi to HA. However, I've decided to start the sequel with this chapter.**

 **BPOV**

 _17 years later_

"Okay," the photographer breaths, starting to pack up. "We're done here."

"Finally," Rose huffs, kicking off her shoes. "I can't believe that I wore heels every day when I was young."

"You're finally feeling the pain I've felt for 30 years," I laugh, sitting down.

"Shut up," Alice rolls her eyes. "We look fabulous."

"Ugh," I roll my eyes, as the reporter comes over.

"Hello, Bella," she says. "I'm Patty. I'll be interviewing you today."

"Hey," I wave to her.

"First," Patty starts. "I'll start by saying that Vogue is very pleased that you could be here today," she smiles.

"Sure,' I wave it off."It's no problem."

"Let me just say…" she leads off grinning."Wow. I mean you've come so far from your role on _Halfsies_. Did you ever see yourself being such a high profile person?"

"No," I laugh. "Not at all," I shake my head. "I never took any acting classes. That was the furthest thing from my mind. I originally wanted to be a safe profession like a lawyer or a teacher."

"Really?" she asks. "In earlier interviews, you always said that you felt like circumstances brought you to this place in life. What do you mean by that?"

"Around the time I was 'discovered,'" I say, using air quotes. "I was going through a really difficult time. I've always been the type of person who laughs to keep from crying. I was doing this 5 minute routine and some guy passing through thought I was good. The rest is history, I guess," I shrug my shoulders.

"When you first started comedy, there weren't a lot of female comedians that received any form of recognition that can close to that of their male counterparts. Now, it's on more of an even keel. Do you feel that you might have something to do with that?"

That was something I was proud of. When I was doing comedy, I got paid significantly less than males. However, once I got my thing going, I could demand just as much as Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey. I did it my own way.

"I have no clue," I say honestly. "I think it came down to women not being afraid of being course or being raw and funny," I start. "You know, there is this whole stigma about what is and isn't 'ladylike.' When women started doing what they thought was funny without caring about what people thought. I think that was a turning point. When I was starting out, it was shameful how I had to fight not to be objectified. I know that how I looked, while might have helped me, also put me in a box. I never did any type of nudity. I wanted them to see me for my talent and not for my boobs," I laugh. "But…it feels weird to take credit for something like that."

"Carrie O'Day said in an interview, "Bella Cullen is my idol. Doing what she has done on her own terms is really inspiring. I hope that I can have reached her achievements someday," she reads. "How does that make you feel?"

Carrie O' Day is the new "it" comedian now a days. I admit. She's funny as Hell.

"Honored, I guess," I smile. "I didn't start this to become anyone's idol. It feels good to know that I had an impact."

"She's actually been cast in a remake of "I Hope They Serve Martinis in Hell," she says. "How is that?"

 _How ancient am I? First, they're showing reruns of Halfsies on TV Guide. Now, they're remaking my movies…_

Wow.

"It makes me feel old," I laugh.

"You're a very busy lady," she says. I nod. "Two time Oscar winner. Actress. Wife. Mom. Business woman. How do you do it?"

"I believe in prioritizing," I start. "I mean, I act. I have my own business. But I put my family first. I never wanted to be that mom that missed important things because I was working."

"How is your family?"

"Crazy," I tell. "But I expect it."

"Edward?" she asks, a grin growing on her face.

Yep. My husband is still a sexy son of a bitch. He actually won Sexiest Man Alive last year. Long ago, we made a rule not to discuss our relationship. I can't believe she even asked.

"Good," I nod my head. "We're good."

"You've had a great track record with assistants," she smiles. "What is with that?"

I smile at that. I have had great assistants. Once Alice had her show during fashion week all those years ago, she became a household name. She designs clothes, shoes, bags, accessories, men's clothes. She's even starting a line for teens. I need to ask her about that. Angela is now a successful author. Three of her books were turned into movies and one of them is now a television show. After Angela, there was Dianne. She's doing a little acting now.

"I choose people who have drive. No one wants to be an assistant for the rest of their lives. Plus, I'm not selfish enough to want to keep someone to myself when they have so much talent. I love helping people achieve their goals. If I have the means to do so, I'll always try to help."

"As you know, you, Alice, and Rose, are being featured in our _Mogul Mommies_ issue," she starts. "When you started to branch out, did you think it would become this big?"

They asked me, Alice, and Rose down for an interview and photo shoot about us.

Me for my acting and business, Rose for her and Emmett's strong agency firm, and Alice for her designing empire.

"Not really," I shake my head. "I just wanted to try it, at first. I like to think of myself as a person that had a good idea and was lucky enough to know people that could help me make it happen."

"Great," she beams. "We're done," she shakes my hand. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," I hug her.

"Can I have an autograph?"

"Sure," I grab her pen and sign for her.

"Are you done?" Rose asks, crossing her shoulders. "We're been waiting forever."

"Yeah," I poke her. "It wasn't that long?"

"What time is it?" Alice asks, looking at her watch.

"One o'clock," I answer, checking my cell phone.

"Who's picking the kids up?" Rose asks.

"I'll do it," I volunteer. "It's on my way home from the studio anyway."

"Great," Alice says. "I need to approve some sketches before I can move forward with my fashion week stuff."

"Speaking of that," I remember. "Have you worked out that whole…."

"Of course," she smiles, rolling her eyes. "Like I'd refuse."

"I'm gonna make so much money off of this," Rose grins. "What?" she asks, when Alice looks at her funny. "I'm giving you guys a discount."

"Great," I hug them. "Kennedy will be so excited."

"She better," Alice warns.

"Bella," Roger, my new assistant rushes to me. "You need to be at the studio in the next 30 minutes."

"Fine," I say, looking at the girls. "I'll see you guys at dinner."

"I can't wait!" Rose pats her stomach.

Thanks to Roger's rather awesome scheduling skills, it only takes 10 minutes to drive from the photo shoot site to the studio.

"I forgot," I tell Roger. "What are we talking about during this meeting?"

"Casting," he replies, as the elevator doors open.

"Oh," I deadpan.

This. Again.

As I'm walking down the hall, my phone buzzes.

 **Edward: In case you forgot, I Love You.**

Aww…Who does shit like this after 17 years of marriage. Edward.

 **Bella: I know. I Love You too.**

 **Edward: I miss you**

 **Bella: I miss you too.**

"How Sweet," Roger coos, looking at the phone.

"Hey, Bella," Angela beams, rushing over to hug me.

"Hello ladies and gentlemen," I smile, entering the boardroom. "Are we ready?"

"Yes," Drew, one of the head producers at _Sh!ts and Giggles_ comes forward. "Here you go," he smiles, giving me the dailies.

Sh!ts and Giggles is my production company.

Once Nathan and Kennedy were born, I took a couple years off to actually raise them. I don't believe in nannies. One day, I got bored and wrote a TV script. It was called _The War at Home_. It was about a Marines veteran who comes home from duty and attempts to raise a family with his wife. Hilarity ensues. If you can't tell, it was based off of my family. We had the hard-ass with the heart of gold, his loveable hair-brained wife, their twins- one who is a whore and the other who is sexually ambiguous. Then, lastly the adorable yet smartass little kid. The last one was me.

Edward read it and thought it was great. So, he came up with an idea to form a production company. Two years later, the show debuted on NBC and was a hit. It lasted 6 years and won a few Emmys and Golden Globes.

Since the first show, we only produce a few projects. Simply, because we have a hand in every show so we want them to be good.

"Thanks," I smile, putting the disk in my purse. Then, I grab a jumbo bag of Cheetos.

It's a rough copy of one of the newer shows _PESTS_. It's a cartoon about bugs that live in a field. We can't say it…but they live in a pot field. That show comes on Cartoon Network during Adult Swim. It's been getting great reviews so far.

"Let's get to the real reason why we're here," Janice, head of casting tells me.

"Of course," I nod my head. "I have to pick my kids up at 2."

"I'm Patrick," the man introduces himself. "I'm Jenna's agent."

"Where is Jenna?"

"She's not here."

I raise my eyebrow. Strike one.

"She's…busy," he lies for his client.

"Sure she is," I smile, looking over the script.

Three years ago, we started producing movies. We were chosen to produce a 's called _Guns of Brooklyn_. It's about various people living in Brooklyn during the Crack Epidemic in the 1980s and how that era affected their lives. Angela wrote it.

I'm such a proud Mama.

"Jenna really wants to be in this movie," Patrick tells me.

"I hate to be a bitch," I saw awkwardly. "I just don't see it."

Jenna Scott is yet another Disney superstar. She hit it big 4 years ago when she got her own show. Since then, we have backpacks, t-shirts, pre-teen movies, and some platinum albums. Now that she's turned 18, she's trying to prove to everyone that she's not a little girl anymore and that she can act in a serious role.

When we found out she wanted to play one of the principle roles, all involved on the project, Angela included, didn't see her as a lead. We offered her a smaller supporting role. She won't take it and begged me to meet her in person.

And she's _not even here_.

Wanna know what my problem is?

She can't act and has a bad attitude. It's not public knowledge but anyone who has talked with her more than 5 minutes can't stand her. I must give Disney credit. They sure can pick them.

"We both feel that you might have gotten the wrong impression of her," he replies.

"I was hoping to disprove that impression with this meeting," I tell him. "She didn't show. Plus, she's declining a role that most actresses in her age group would kill for."

"Come on, Bella," he rolls his eyes. "We both know she's too big for a supporting role."

"She's only 18," I point out. "She's coming off of a _Disney_ show. Her core audience won't even be old enough to buy tickets. That's not valid," I retort, as his smile falls. "Do you think Moms of pre-teens will buy tickets to see their daughter's role model blowing some guy in an alley way to get a hit?" I ask. "No."

"You of all people should know how it feels to be discriminated against because of being on a comedic TV show. You went to win two Oscars" he counters.

He's pulling out the big guns.

"I assumed a woman held in such high esteem would have some empathy."

"Do you want to know the difference between Jenna and me?" I ask. "I actually went to the sit downs when I wanted a part," I roll my eyes and take out my phone. I dial Jenna's number.

"Yeeeeeah?" Jenna answers.

"Jenna?" I ask, looking at my watch. I need to leave.

"Of course," she giggles.

I hear music and laughter in the background.

"Sweetie, this is Bella," I announce myself. "Where are you? I was looking forward to meeting you."

"Aww…shit," she coughs. "I had to uh…go…to another meeting," she lies. "I'm soooo sorry," she breaths. I can hear her rolling her eyes over the phone.

"Okay," I sigh. "I just wanted to check on you. Have a nice day," I hang up. "That was Jenna," I tell the agent. "I don't know where she is. Honestly, I don't care. If she doesn't take the offer by 8 tonight, I'll cast it with someone else. I kind of don't want to give her _that_ ," I say, packing up my stuff.

"Bella…"

"Bye," I wave to the staff room, and Angela follows behind me.

"Wow," she whispers, as we wait for the elevator.

"I hate divas," I tell her. "You know that."

"No mercy," she laughs. "I'm glad you didn't cave," she hugs me.

"Never," I smile, as the doors open. "How is the new book coming?"

"Awesome," she wiggles her fingers. "It should be done by the end of the year."

"I want a sneak peek," I tell her.

"Of course," she waves it off. "Are you nervous for tomorrow?" she asks.

"Ugh," I cover my ears. "I wasn't thinking about it all day until you brought it up."

"Sorry," she rolls her eyes. "It's like riding a bike anyway."

I'm performing another stand up at the Staple Center tomorrow night. It's sold out. I haven't done one in like 8 years. It's wreaked havoc on my nerves.

"You'll do fine," she assures me. "Is dinner still on?"

"Of course," I laugh, at the implication that it wouldn't be. "I'm excited," I reveal, patting my stomach.

"What is Andrew making?"

"No clue. It'll be good though," I tell her as the elevator opens. "See you!" I wave and walk to the car.

" _Bella!"_

" _Bella!"_

" _Mrs. Cullen, over here please."_

" _How do you feel about your children going into the business?"_

I tune the pests out and drive to pick up Cassidy, Meredith, and Scott. It's great to have the rest of the day off.

Once I arrive, I find myself waiting with the other parents and standing beside my car. I smile in remembrance of my Mustang. I still have it. I gave it up to join the other stylish moms that have a Range Rover. The kids drive it more than I do now. It makes them feel cool.

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" my youngest Cassidy shouts, running down the steps to get to me. She's 6. Besides her father's green eyes, she's my mini me. She has my nose, lips, heart-shaped face and long brown hair.

"Sugar Pie!" I bend down to hug her. "I missed you," I kiss her hair.

I call her Sugar Pie because she's just so damn sweet.

"I missed you too," she kisses my cheek.

"Hey Ms. Bella," Alice and Jasper's 7 year old daughter Meredith hugs me. She's tiny just like her mother and has her father's curly blonde hair and blue eyes. "We had so much fun today. We learned how to do our times tables. Then, we had recess and Tommy Burger tried to marry me but I said no," she takes a breath. "There is _only_ one boy for me," she sighs, staring off into space. She's pretty chipper too. However, I admit she is the best dressed 7 year old I've seen. There was even an article in Vogue about it.

After that, Scott coughed something and Meredith pinched him.

"Here we go," Cassidy rolls her eyes.

"You had an eventful day. Didn't you?" I ask, as they nod their head furiously. I look around to see one of the kids is missing. "Where is…"

"I'm here!" Emmett and Rose's 9 year old son Scott runs to the car. He's holding a hot dog and ketchup is running down his forearm. "I almost forgot the hotdog I saved in my desk," he stops to take a breath. "It's okay," he takes a bite. "I remembered it," He definitely has his father's appetite, in addition to light blue eyes and curly black hair.

"We're all set?" I ask, walking to the car among light bulb flashes and chattering from the kids.

"We got our report cards today!" they all shout, going in their bags to hand me their grades. They must be good, if they're offering them up.

"Look," Cassidy beams, reaching from the back to hand me hers. The others follow suit.

All A's. Proud Mama.

"You know what?" I ask. "This deserves ice cream."

"Yaaaaay!" I hear them shout as I start driving.

"I knew she'd buy us ice cream," Scott smiles, licking some mustard off his fingers.

 _Ehhh… I wanted some anyway._

It takes us longer to get to the shop, because I'm being followed and paced by the paps. Cassidy hates them. It's brutal. One time, I saw a picture of her online flicking off paparazzi and grabbing her crotch. She was four. You had no idea the kind of trouble that caused.

20 minutes later, we finally arrive.

"Oh my God!" the server behind the counter shrieks. "You're Bella Cullen!"

"Hello," I shake her hand.

"This is mint," she snaps a picture with her phone. "You're kids are so adorable," she smiles, waving at them.

"Thank you," they wave and smile back.

The ice cream is good…and insanely expensive. $3 per topping and they think they can charge $6 for a cup just because it's homemade. I bought it so I guess they can.

Between the four of us, it costs $63.27.

They're just kids.

But…$63!

Cassidy. Dear Cassidy. She got three scoops with gummy bears, jelly beans, chocolate chips and whip cream.

The ice cream didn't last 15 minutes. She is sooo my daughter.

I take pictures with the guests and sign a few autographs and drive back home.

"Mommy, I have to number 2," Cassidy announces, bouncing in her seat.

"Cass," I sigh. "What did I tell you about announcing when you have to poo?"

She's going through a phase when she needs to tell everyone everything. It's getting worrisome.

"Some things need to be kept to yourself," she mumbles, as I get the door. "Hurry," she pushes Meredith out of the way and runs inside the house.

"I feel guilty that I think that's funny," Scott giggles and walks inside.

After our family started growing, Edward and I got another house. Actually, it was more like Edward bought a house, drove me up there and said, "Guess what? We live here now. Surprise!"

What a surprise it was. Edward got to buy me the lavish over the top house he always wanted to. Really. It makes the ones we looked at look like Barbie clubhouses. 20 Acres of…I don't know what to call it.

bedrooms

baths

Basketball court

Tennis court

2 Pools

Game Room

Attic

Basement

Helicopter pad

The list goes on really. There is even an intensely-manicured front lawn. Needless to say, I was pissed and Edward spent the first 3 days in the doghouse instead of the new house.

I grew to love the house though. I've only looked in 8 of the bedrooms though. My mother, Esme, Rose, and Alice had a field day with decorating.

"Hey Bella," Lilly hugs me. If you haven't guessed, she's Rose and Emmett daughter. She's 16 years old, a clear honeymoon baby for the couple. She's a perfect mix of her parents, with Emmett's black hair.

"Hey," I hug her. "What's up?"

"Nothing," she yawns. "I'm going to go upstairs. I need a nap," she heads upstairs.

I'm so jealous. I haven't napped in years.

"Okay, kids," I open the door. "I want everyone to wash their hands so you don't get ice…"

"Ewwww…" the kids shout, covering their eyes. The girls did. Scott covered his eyes with enough room he could still peek.

"Hey," I take some rolled up paper off the table and start smacking my older daughter and her boyfriend on the couch. "Control yourselves!"

 _Edward would have had a stroke if he saw this._

"Mom!" Kennedy covers her face to shield herself from the blows. "We were just kissing," she pleads, rolling around to cover her face. "Not the face! Not the face!"

"Sorry, Ms. Cullen," Bean apologizes with a smile on his face. It turns out, those two made a love connection early on. I thought it was funny that Bean always tried to climb in with Kennedy in her crib. Now, it's not so cute. Ever since those two hit puberty, I feel like I'm always catching them making out. Edward talked to me about banning him from the house.

Those two go at it like rabbits when no one is around.

"Bull…" I look to the kids. "Liar," I rephrase.

"We didn't hear you come in," my daughter explains, trying to nonchalantly fix her bra.

Just kissing my ass.

"Wash your hands," I tell the kids who immediately go to the bathroom. "Look," I tell Kennedy and EmJ. "I understand that you two are…doing whatever it is you are doing," I start. "But you can't be doing that shit all over the house. Your brothers and sisters are impressionable. I don't want them thinking that's okay," I scold them.

"Okay," Kennedy fixes her hair and looks to the ground. "You aren't going to tell Dad are you?" she asks, fearful.

I laugh.

"Of course not," I pat her. "He'd kill Bean. Your father is too pretty for prison," I tell her.

"I'm sorry," Bean apologizes for real this time.

"It's fine," I tell them "Separate. You two need to cool off," I advise. "Ken," I whisper as she starts walking to the living room.

"Yeah?"

"Here," I fix her bra for her. "It was bothering me."

"Mom!" she shrieks in horror.

"Stop it," I roll my eyes. "I wasn't molesting you," I giggle, going into the kitchen.

"Mommy," Cassidy gets my attention. "I miss Daddy," she pouts, rubbing her eyes.

Cassidy is a certified Daddy's girl. He's the most important person in the world to her. She won't do anything important without his approval. Since the second they were born, my daughters have had their father wrapped around their finger. It hits her the hardest when he's away because she misses him so much. He tucks her in and reads her bedtime stories. As a mother, it stings a little that she prefers him over me. Then, I think of my relationship with my father and I understand. "I know," I sit down and she climbs into my lap. "I miss him too."

"When is he coming back?" she asks me.

"Soon," I pull back her hair. "Do you want to call him?" I ask, getting out my phone.

"Mhmm," she nods her head against my shoulder.

"Okay," I kiss her head and call Edward.

"Hey, Bambi," my sexy husband greets on the phone.

"Hey, Mufasa," I say. "How is your day going?"

"Eh…" he huffs. "It sucks pretty hard," he admits. "Was I ever a diva when I was an actor?" he asks.

After Edward won his second Oscar, he tried a hand at directing. He soon fell in love with being behind the camera, in addition to being in front of it. His first film was a small indie movie that got rave reviews. It won the Best Film award at The Sundance Film Festival and was nominated for an Oscar as well. Now, he directs more than he acts. He actually won an Oscar for Best Director two years ago. As a result, it causes him to be away longer than if he were an actor. However, he edits his films to so he had an editing studio built in the house so he can do that part from home.

"Never. You were perfect," I smile. "You still are."

"I love it when you stroke my ego," he admits.

He's baiting me. I'll bite.

"That's not the only thing I love…"

"Mo-mmy," Cassidy crosses her arms, clearly not pleased that I'm monopolizing her phone call. "Can I talk now?"

I mouth 'Sorry' and get back to the task at hand.

"Is something wrong?" Edward morphs from sexy husband to concerned father. "I heard Cassy. Is she okay?"

"She's fine," I laugh, ruffling my daughter's hair…who is still glaring at me. "She wants to talk to her daddy. That's all."

"Well I miss her too," he replies. "Put her on the phone."

"Okay," I hand the phone to the child.

"Daddy!" she beams, scooting away from me to curl into a ball on the couch. "I miss you," she starts talking to her father a mile a minute. I get up to give the two some alone time to chat.

"Chill, guys," Bean steps in between a feuding Meredith and Scott. "Chill!" he says again, as Meredith somehow finds a way pass the muscular teen and kicks Scott in the shin.

"Ouch!" Scott cries, trying to find a better angle behind his brother. "Block! Block!" he coaches his brother. EmJ is quite the football player at his school as a defensive lineman. The muscular stature he inherited from his father comes in handy. He'll probably go pro after college.

"Mere," Scott warns. "Calm down. It was a joke."

"It was a stupid one," she tries to reach her arms around Scott in vain.

It's kind of funny that a pre-teen needs to be protecting from a 7 year old. Then, I think of how ferocious Alice gets when she's mad. Those two might as well be brother and sister because they fight so much. Don't let the scuffle fool you. They're very close…which is why they fight so much.

"A little help here," Bean pleads, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Okay. Okay," I step in, acting as a second shield for Scott and EmJ picks Meredith up, throws her over his shoulder and walks to the other end of the room. After we've had a chance to calm down, I ask, "What is going on here?"

"I'm trying to kill Scott," Meredith answers, honestly.

"Ian and Meredith sitting in a tree," Scott starts the age-old taunt. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G…"

"Stop it!" she tries to get past EmJ.

"If you don't stop teasing her, I'll let her get you," I threaten the 10 year old who immediately stops singing. "Thank you," I point to the hallway and he follows me there.

"Scott, you know Meredith is sensitive about Ian," I whisper.

Ian is my son. He's 14 and just started high school. He's Edward's twin…eyes…hair…jaw…everything. It's scary. Ever since Meredith could blink she's had a crush on him. Everyone knows…except Ian. It's a little weird to be honest because of the age difference. Every time Alice sees them, she giggles, smiles, and goes into the next room. Some of the kids like to tease her about it.

"I know," Scott hangs his head. "She took the remote. I wanted it back. I figured Ian would be a nice distraction."

"You thought wrong," I straighten his clothes and smooth his hair. "You should apologize."

"I know," he goes back into the room. I see Meredith nod her head and hug him. Then, I know everything is back to normal.

I walk into the kitchen and grab a bag of pretzels and a can of fruit punch and start snacking. I take the time to review what I want to say during my act and think of anything I might want to add or take away. Some comedians hate it. But, I love spare of the moment inspiration during an act. It makes it more genuine. I take a piece of paper and start jotting down extra ideas and hear someone enter the room.

"Hey, Mom," my son Andrew comes in and sets some groceries on the table. "How's it going?"

"Fine, sweetie," I smile as he kisses my head. "What'cha got there?" I start snooping in the bags. "Ooooh! Oreos," I open the package.

"I should have hid those," he shakes his head.

"What's for din din?" I ask.

Andrew is the resident chef of the house. He's an excellent cook. I'm not talking about just recipes. He's great at everything. Balancing flavor. Plate presentation. He even figured out Gran's fudging recipe.

 _Honey. Who knew?_

Whenever a big event happens in the family, we all group together and Andrew cooks. He loves it.

"Simple," he takes ingredients out of the bags. "I'm making a nice shrimp spinach salad for starters," he takes out fresh spinach, "Then, we'll have nice chicken parmesan…with homemade sauce," he smiles showing me the tomatoes. "For desert, we'll finish with a raspberry lemon tart," he takes out the fruit and sets it on the table.

 _How did I get so lucky?_

"You're trying to become my favorite. Aren't you?" I ask, biting down on an Oreo.

"Mom," he raises an eyebrow. "That was never in jeopardy," he starts washing the vegetables. "I was hoping to make some sorbet," he huffs. "I'm disgusted with the farmer's market lack of exotic fruits," he steams, preparing some tomatoes for pasta sauce. "It's shameful."

My son is very passionate about his work. Everything has to be _perfect_. His hair. His clothes. His shoes. His room. Some might even call him anal. I call him dedicated. He's a very artistic boy. He's into cooking, music, and poetry. He even joined a poetry club at school recently.

I know.

"Where are your brothers?" I ask. "Nigel?"

Something should have been broken by now.

"No clue," he shrugs. "After we got back, I came straight here."

Noticing that at two children are unaccounted for, I walk back to the living room to see if they're there. I smile at what I find. Instead of making myself known, I hide behind the wall and spy.

"Hey, Ian," Meredith stares at Ian.

"Hey, Mere," Ian notices, looking at his computer.

Ian is the most tech-savvy of the group. Even at 14, he can do things with computer graphics that some people twice his age can't even imagine. It's probably because he's around Edward when he edits the movies. I could see Ian going down that path. As a result, he's a little introverted.

Ian and Andrew are identical twins. Can you believe it? The first and second time I got pregnant, they were twins. Either Edward has super sperm or my eggs like to travel in pairs. They are the spitting image of their father from their hair to their feet.

Yep. 5 kids. Edward succeeded in turning my vagina into Grand Central Station.

"Do you want to watch TV?" Mere asks, showing the remote.

"No," Ian shakes his head. "I'm working on a project."

"Please?" she asks.

"Come on, Mere," her older brother Nigel complains. "Let me watch something." He inherited his father's laid back style and short blonde hair. Unfortunately, he inherited his mother's height. Poor boy. He'll be 15 in two weeks and he's only 5'4.

He's a handsome young man, though.

"You're always on the computer," she pouts at my son. "Pleeeeeeaaaase?"

And he's done.

"Okay," he closes his laptop and Meredith turns the channel.

I hear Bean whisper, "Whipped," as I pass through the hallway.

 _Where the hell is Nathan?_

"Ken," I tap my daughter on her shoulder. "Where is your twin?"

"When he came back from picking up the boys, he disappeared," she replies, not looking up from the latest issue of _Glamour_.

"Damn it," I roll my eyes. "Nate!" I call. "Where are you?" I ask, walking through the house.

I like to account for all the kids. That way if something gets broken, it's easy to tell who did it. I continue to call and walk around aimlessly for another 5 minutes, before I give up.

"Fine," I huff, as I see dirty clothes on the floor…next to the washroom. "Really?"

I don't know how this happened. It seems like the other they get, they quicker they forget to clean up their shit. One day, I'm going to throw all this shit away.

 _I should just get a maid._

"Guys," I pick up the dirty socks and sneaker to put it in the laundry room. "You are too old to leave all of your…SHIT!" I cry, dropping the clothes in shock. "GET OFF MY BABY!" I shout.

Hare dare she attack him like that?

"Mom!" Nathan shouts, covering a girl's head…that is currently sucking…

"Oh God," I gag, stepping backwards into the wall.

"Shit!"

"Oh God," the blonde girl with a red stripe in her hair releases my son.

"Mommy," Cassidy calls. "What's wrong?" she asks, walking down the hallway.

"Nothing," I run in the laundry room and close to door. Her young eyes can't see this.

"Mom!" Nate cries, covering himself.

"Fuck!" I turn around staring at the door. "I didn't see anything important," I whisper, as I hear the sound of clothes being put on.

"Who is in there?" Cass asks, as the door knob starts to shake.

"It's just me," I lie.

"Why were you yelling?" Meredith asks, as the door cracks a little.

"I'm so embarrassed," blondie whispers.

You should be.

 _Whore._

 _Taking advantage of my baby._

"It's fine," I close the door. "Everything is okay. Go back to what you were doing," I order.

"Daddy wants to talk to you," Cass reports.

"Tell him I'll call him back later," I deadpan, shaking my head.

"I'll just talk to him some more," she decides and I hear footsteps down the hall.

 _I can't believe this._

"What…the…hell?" I ask, facing the door shaking my head.

"Mrs. Swan," blondie starts. "It is such an honor to meet you," she rushes. "I love…everything…"

"O-okay," Nathan stalls, thinking of something to say.

"Who is this?" I point behind me to the mystery girl.

"Amy," she chirps. "You are such an idol," she compliments.

 _Don't suck up to me_

Ewww….

"I know this is…" my son starts.

"I'm tired," I admit. "Wake me when dinner is ready," I open the door and go upstairs.

"Mom," Nathan starts again.

"No," I put my hand up and he stops talking. "I need a minute," I say.

 _Why am I choked up?_

"It was nice meeting…" I close the door in that slut's face.

I always knew my children were having sex…especially Kennedy. I've just never witnessed it. It was horrible. I slowly walk upstairs and crawl under the covers.

Sold out shows, I can handle.

Intrusive paps, I can handle.

Owning an empire, I can handle.

My kids…not being kids?

I'm not sure.

I feel a hot tear roll down my cheek and laugh at myself. I can't believe I'm crying. 17 years ago, I would have thought that was funny. Now, I find it horrifying.

Nathan is a cute little boy. He's a mixture of Edward and me. He has the same hypnotizing green eyes as his father. He has a James Dean…ish quality about him. I could see why girls like him. It's just…

My baby?

I hug my pillow, wishing it was Edward and try my best to sleep it off.

"Hey, there," I hear Edward whisper, before I feel my face being peppered with kisses.

"Edward?" I smile, knowing the answer to my question. "You're back!" I open my eyes and crash my mouth to his.

"Mhm," he moans against my mouth and climbs on top of me.

"I missed you," I breathe as he creeps his hand up my shirt. "So much," I arch my back when he cups my breasts.

"I missed you too baby," his lips travel to my neck. "Your smell," his nose runs along my neck. "Your taste," he licks my nipple before taking it between his teeth. "How you feel," he adds, as his other hand palms my crotch.

"Edward," I lick the shell of his ear. "Damn," I run my fingers through his hair and grind on his hand.

"Did you miss me?" his hand reaches down my pants and the other lifts my shirt up to kiss my stomach. "Huh?" he whispers just below my ear to send chills down my spine.

"Yes," I finally manage, unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants.

"I know," he speaks and I feel the imprint of his cocky crooked smile against my neck as he licks across my chest. "You're so wet," he chuckles, entering a heavenly digit inside of me.

"Yeah," I grind against him, pulling his boxers down and tugging them the rest of the way with my feet. The angle sets his fingers in deeper. "You missed me too?" I point out, wrapping my hand around his swollen cock and stroking him.

I need him.

"Bella," he groans against me.

"I know," I place him at my entrance. "Fu…"

"Mom! Dad!" I hear one of the twins knock on the door.

"Shit."

"Damn it."

"Dinner is almost ready," he announces. "Give it 5 minutes," he adds.

It's Andrew.

"Okay," we calmly answer, before he goes down the hall.

"You heard him," I smile, guiding my husband inside me.

"No," he pulls back.

"What?" I ask, shooting up. "What do you mean 'no?'?"

I hate to sound like a bitch. But Edward has been gone for two weeks. TWO WEEKS! I'm horny. I feel like a quarterback that got denied during prom night.

"Not now," he chuckles, kissing me. "I haven't made love to you in two weeks," he starts. "There will be no quickies tonight," he gives me a menacing look. "I plan to take my time. Don't worry, you'll get thoroughly fucked before the night is over," he predicts.

"Well…" I smile, wrapping my arms around him.

"Although I love how much you love my…"

"Daddy," Cassidy walks in the room. She hasn't grasped knocking yet.

FUUUUUCK!

"Yes, princess?" he smiles at our daughter, after a slight huff.

"I just wanted to hug you again," she tells, climbing into her father's lap to hug and kiss him.

"Awww…" he beams. "Thank you. I can never have too many Cassy hugs," he tickles her.

"Stop it!" she kicks her feet in the air. A foot kicks my right boob. "Sorry,

Mommy," she apologizes, giving Edward Eskimo kisses or as she calls them _nose wiggles_.

"Okay," he picks her up. "Go downstairs and help set the table," he playfully bites her apple cheek and she sets off without so much as a peep.

He's the man.

"Okay," he hops back in the bed.

"It's over," I sadly say, running my fingers over his face.

"Damn," he mutters, straightening his clothes.

It's amazing how he's almost 50 and he still looks mostly like how he did when we got married. I mean, he has some laugh lines and minor crow's feet from getting older but he's basically the same. Do you know what I never thought I'd find sexy but turns me on every time I see it?

Edward has salt and pepper hair…well he's a redhead…so it's more of a salt and ginger.

Who cares? It's fucking sexy as Hell.

I'd always loved Edward's copper locks. Now, that some gray hair mixes with it I find it even more irresistible. I forbid him to dye it.

"Nathan told me what you saw today," Edward brings me out of my haze.

"Oh," I huff and cross my arms. "I don't like her. I couldn't even look at them," I shake.

"Bella," he scoots closer to me. "He's a man…and he's just as embarrassed as you are," he chuckles. "Believe me."

"How could you laugh?" I ask, in disbelief. "It was horrible. She was in there violating our child!" I halfway screech, causing him to burst out in laughter.

"It's not like we didn't know he was having sex," he reminds me.

Edward and I are very open with the kids about sex. We both feel it's important that they feel they can talk to us even if it gets awkward. When Kennedy was thinking about having sex with Bean, I drove her to get birth control the same day.

Edward got the boys condoms when they turned 14. We're cool. I'll talk about it. I had no intention of _seeing_ it.

"You didn't see it," I shiver. "I blame his no-good uncle," I seethe. "Daniel."

Daniel surprised all of us by settling down…with a woman that was 12 years younger than him. I now have an 8 year old niece who is fucking adorable. However, he felt the need to pass his player ways off to my sons. It didn't take too much with the twins but Nathan soaked it up like a sponge.

He hasn't been the same since.

"He's a growing man," he says again. "It's natural for him to want to…"

"If you caught Bean dining on Kennedy's cooch, I doubt you'd be so damn tranquil," I raise an eyebrow.

"Pssh," Edward rolls his eyes. "She'd never…" I couldn't let him finish before a giggle came out. Those two are always in the midst of foreplay. "What was that about?" he asks quickly. "What did you see?" he question jumping out of the bed.

"Nothing," I lie.

"Bullshit," he opens the door. "BEAN!" he shouts, walking out the room.

"Relax," I run after him and grab his shoulder.

"No!" he shrugs away and storms downstairs.

I follow him to the den downstairs where the two lovebirds are making out. This time its PG. EmJ is sitting on the couch and Kennedy is sitting between his legs with her back to his chest. Just as she was about to straddle him, Edward charges in the room.

"Dad!" Kennedy separates from EmJ and smoothes out her clothes. "You're back," she jumps up to hug her father.

"Mhmm," Edward nods, staring daggers at Bean.

Ever since Ken and Bean started 'dating' when they were 13, Edward has slowly grown to…how do I say this? Hate him. Hate is a strong word but its close. He won't let Bean sit next to Kennedy when we eat together. If for any reason he sleeps over, Bean has to stay in the room next to ours. Edward put a monitor under the bed so he could hear what happened. One time, he stared at the poor boy for 45 seconds without blinking. I think he has a tracking machine in his car. He has yet to confirm or deny that.

 _He said my father was bad?_

"What are you wearing?" Edward asks, pointing to her outfit.

"Edward," I scold. "Nothing is wrong with her outfit," I looking at her modest dress.

"Uh…" Bean slowly gets up.

"Yeah?" Edward gives him the stink eyes.

"Never mind," he sinks back into his chair.

"You guys," Andrew storms into the room. "Dinner is ready," he says, motioning out the room.

"This isn't over," Edward whispers so Bean could hear.

I mouth "Yes, it is," and follow the group out of the room.

I walk to the kitchen and smile when I see all of my friends and family is here.

"Thanks for watching the kiddos," Emmet wraps me in a bear hug. "Rose and I got swamped."

"I've been drafting and approving sketches since I saw you," Alice kisses her fingers.

"I'm looking forward to your latest cuisine, Sir Andrew," Jasper puts Andrew in a headlock.

"It smells great, sweetie," Rose sniffs the air. "How do you feel about starring in a teen cooking show on _The Food Network_?" she whispers to him, hoping I wouldn't hear. "I can make that happen."

"Rose!" I deadpan. "Stop."

Edward and I decided that just because we're celebrities doesn't mean that our children have to be. We promised ourselves that we wouldn't ask them to do anything unless they approached us first. If the kids want to go into the business, I'll use good ol' fashioned nepotism.

"You can't fault me for having vision," she raises an eyebrow at Andrew.

" Bewwa," Henry wraps himself around my leg.

"Hey, buddy," I pick him up and kiss his cheek. "Aren't you cute?"

Angela was only 22 when I hired her so she wasn't interested in having a family. She married her boyfriend Ben two years after she started working for me. Afterwards, her first book was published and she rose straight to the top. Once she and Ben got married, they put off having kids. When they started trying, they had difficulties. After 6 years of trying, they finally had Henry. He's only 3.

"He's been gushing about you all day," Ben informs, as Henry reaches for him.

"You aren't turning into a cougar are you?" Emmett jokes, walking back into the room with a raspberry lemon tart. "Fuck yes," he whispers after taking a bite, wiping crumbs off of his face.

"Never," I grab Edward and kiss him as he gropes my ass.

"Ewwww," all the kids shiver.

"You're old," Ian shakes, looking at his phone.

"We can make our way to the dining room," Andrew says nervously and we all start to cheer.

Seriously. You have no idea. My son can cook like nobody's business.

"Mom," Nathan says awkwardly. "I'm sorry about what happened this afternoon," he apologizes.

"Please," I put my hand up. "It's okay."

At least it will be.

"I'm sitting next to Daddy," Cassidy shouts, standing next to Edward.

"Of course," he bends down to kiss her hair. "Hey," he points to Bean who is about to sit next to Kennedy. "You sit right there," he points to the chair between Nigel and Ian.

"Da-ad," Kennedy complains.

"Ke-nne-dy," he mocks her, pointing to her chair.

"Ugh," she huffs, sitting down.

"Relax," Nate chides. "You two can go an hour without playing footsie," he laughs. "Ouch!" he yells when his sister hits him on the head with her spoon.

"Shut up!" Kennedy gripes.

"That was uncalled for," he pouts, rubbing his head.

"That's our _good_ china," Andrew points out. "It took me an hour to polish all of it."

"Why are you mad?" Ian asks, confused. "She has to eat with it," he says, giving Meredith a piece of garlic bread. She looks like he just proposed to her. Alice giggles and looks at me.

"Sorry bro," Nate says to Bean. "Ken is on the rag."

"Damn it," I hear Bean whispers, pouring himself some Sprite.

"Am not," Kennedy punches her brother. "No, I'm not," she tells EmJ embarrassed.

"Daddy," Cassidy gets Edward's attention, trying to cut her food. "What does 'on the rag' mean?" she asks.

"Your mother will tell you later," Edward throws me under the bus, giving me "the look," cutting her chicken for her.

We've been beating around the bush to have _The Talk_ with Cassidy. She's the only one that hasn't walked in on me and Edward fucking at one point. Once a child sees it, you kind of have to explain it to them. She's only 6. Is that too young?

"Waaaay later," I raise an eyebrow at my husband.

"Hmph," she looks disappointed, and takes a bite from her garlic bread. She hates feeling left out of the loop.

"Mom, tell Ken to stop abusing me," Nate brings my attention to my son who is being brutalized by his sister. "Stop you Amazon," he rushes, leaning over in his seat.

"Don't call me that," she pinches Nate's nipple causing him to scream out in pain.

"Kennedy," I erupt. "Stop hitting your brother. Nate, don't tease your sister about her height," I order. "She can't help that."

Kennedy is tall for her age…really tall. She's 5'11 feet with no heels on. You can imagine how intimidating some men find that. EmJ is only 6'1.

"Its okay, Ken," Lilly chimes in. "You're hot," she points out.

It's the proud mama in me but Kennedy is an attractive young lady. She has her father's auburn hair, bone structure, and my eyes. She's gorgeous. When she got her period, Edward lost his mind. He got a gun the next week when she developed. She has a shape that's similar to mine too. Last summer, the families took a vacation to San Tropez, France. Some pap took a picture of Kennedy running on the beach in a bikini. It turned up in Us Weekly, Ok!, and People gushing about _Kennedy's Curvaceous Bod_.

Edward convinced himself that he was having a stroke.

"And you're worth the climb, baby," EmJ beams from across the table.

"Stop," Ken waves it off, blushing. "Really?"

"Ewww…" Scott shivers. "Googly eyes."

"Who are you climbing?" Edward asks Bean. "Who have _you_ been climbing?" Edward turns to ask Kennedy.

"Uh…" Kennedy starts.

It's no secret that Ken and Bean are sexually active. They're 17 for Christ's sakes. If Edward and I were dating at that age, you can believe I would have been tapping that religiously. He just can't stand the thought of his little girl being a woman. It's cute.

"Someone's in trouble," Nigel teases, budging Bean in the ribs. "Can I have your BMW when Edward kills you?" he asks.

"Daddy!" Cassidy cries nervously. "Please don't kill Bean," she grabs Edward's hand. "I don't want you to go to jail. You won't have any friends in there."

I giggle at that. How cute.

" Alice," Kennedy looks for a diversion. "Have you considered that summer thing?"

"Yeah," Alice smiles, after a lengthy silence. "You and Lilly are the new spokes girls for my new untitled teenage clothing line," she claps, as the girls go crazy. "What?"

"No way?"

Ken and Lilly are really into fashion. Kennedy isn't sure what she wants to do with her life so we talked about her having a nice vacation once she graduates high school to try to find inspiration. Somehow, that turned into her and Lilly modeling for the summer in Europe.

"Woah," Edward interjects. "What kind of clothes?"

"Edward," I start.

"Relax," Rose rolls her eyes. "Alice won't have them prancing around in thongs getting soaked under a waterfall."

"It's just some bikinis and summer wear," Alice waves it off.

"I'm going on record saying I don't approve," Edward leans to whisper in my ear.

"Of course," I kiss him. "I'll be there for a part of the time they're there."

"My son is dating a super model," Emmett nods his head in approval. "Nice," he air fist pumps his son.

"I almost forgot," Edward mentions. "I want to see some report cards after dinner," he orders, pointing to the kids.

"Damn it!" Nate bangs on the table. "Who told?"

"It's not my fault you failed a class," Cassidy pouts, eating some linguini.

"What are you failing?" I ask Nate, putting some more chicken on my plate…and more sauce…and some…I'll just get a new plate.

I forgot the older kids must have gotten their report cards too. Honestly, if I get home and no one is dead, arrested or pregnant, I call the day a victory.

"Spanish," he rolls his eyes.

"He no gusta," Andrew chuckles and his twin follows.

"Andrew has a girlfriend that he's hiding from you," Nate reveals.

"What?" Edward smiles, he's not even hiding the fact that he's excited.

I'm surprised. With the cooking, poetry and everything we thought he was gay and was waiting until he was older to tell us like my brother David did.

"What the Hell?" Andrew shrieks.

"Dick move, Nate," Ian shakes his head. "Dick. Move."

"What's a dick?" my youngest asks.

"Your daddy will tell you," I set Edward up.

"At least I didn't get caught getting a hand job under the bleachers," Andrew retaliates.

"WHAT?" I shout. "Was it that same blonde slut?"

"What's a hand…" Cass starts.

"Later, sweetie," Edward huffs, taking a sip of his drink. "Stop saying that shit in front of your sister," he commands.

"I'm so disappointed, Nate, I shake my head. "We taught you better," I remind him. "At least take them home."

"I'm not the only one," Nate holds his hands in surrender. "Nigel…"

"Nigel," Alice whispers, as if she's heartbroken.

"How did I get thrown into this?" Nigel asks, confused.

"Nigel's in trouble….Nigel's in trouble," Meredith sings, bobbing her head along to the beat.

"Go stare at Ian," he rolls his eyes.

"Huh?" Ian asks, not sure what that has to do with the conversation.

"Shut up, Nigel before I stuff you in Mom's purse!" Meredith shouts, crossing her arms and trying not to stare at my son. "You could probably fit in there," she mutters, stabbing her chicken with her fork.

Ahhh… the Alice Anger gene.

"BAHAHAHAHAH" Bean and Lilly burst out laughing their father's thunderous laugh. I look to my right to see Emmett trying to be an adult and not chuckle himself. Overall, he does a good job.

"Oh!" Scott joins in laughing later. "That was a short joke. BURN!" he giggles.

The kids recently discovered _That 70s Show_. Burn is their new catchphrase.

"Okay. Okay," I settle everyone down. "That's enough talk about that," I hint.

After everyone settled down and stopped telling on each other, we had desert and some conversation. Everyone started to leave around 10 to go home.

"Bewwa," Henry comes up to me with Angela behind him trying to fasten his coat. "You're pretty," he smiles.

"Thank you, honey," I humor him, and hold him still so Angela can get his coat on.

"Can we get married?" he asks.

"I'm sorry," I shake my head. "I'm married to Edward."

"Oh," he pouts and Angela tries not to laugh. "When you're done with him, can we get married?"

"Sorry, buddy," Edward hugs me from behind. "She's mine forever."

"Awww man," he frowns, lifting his arms up so Ben can carry him to the car.

"You have a way with men," Edward kisses my neck as the last of the visitors leave.

"Welll…" I pause, grinding my ass into his groin.

"Hey, mom," Nate comes in the hallway.

"Yeah?" I try not to roll my eyes in frustration.

"Do you have that new episode of _Pests_?" he asks. "We want to watch it."

"In my purse," I tell him. "Give me a critique, when you're done," I order.

I love those kids. They do my work for me.

"Cassy," Edward calls, picking the girl up and kissing her cheek. "It's time for bed."

"But I want to watch cartoons with them," she says, yawning.

"That's a cartoon for grownups sweetie," I tell her, as I run my fingers through her soft hair. "Come on," I smile. "Let's get you ready for bed."

After she washes up, we brush our teeth and put our pajamas on for bed. Then, it's Edward's turn to read her a story and tuck her in. I'm not welcome in that department. Apparently, I don't do the voices right. I know it's a Cassy/Daddy thing.

I look at the clock and start to yawn. I'd been up since 6 this morning to get the kids ready for school. Plus, I've been running around all day and finishing details for tomorrow's show. It's been a long day. Before the show, I have to go to the studio for a voice over. I got cast in a Disney/Pixar movie called _Alex in Outer Space_. It's about a little boy who stows away on a space shuttle by accident. It's hilarious. I have to be there at 6. I need sleep.

Normally, I would head to bed. Not tonight.

Edward owes me some peen. I intend to collect.

I step into the kitchen to grab a Red Bull.

"Heading for a long night?" Andrew arches his eyebrow, as I open the can.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Mom," he rolls his eyes. "You and Dad…" he shivers.

"Hey," I warn, pointing to him. "Shouldn't I be interrogating you?" I ask.

His smile drops.

"You have a girlfriend," I remind him.

When you're that young, I use the term girlfriend loosely. It's not like they can drive anywhere together.

"Yeah," he sits down on a chair. "Are you mad?" he asks.

"Mad?" I question, confused. "Why would I be mad?"

"I didn't tell you," he says.

"Mad isn't the right word," I sit beside him. "It's more like puzzled. Why would you keep that from us?"

"It's just…" he starts, like he's searching for a way to express his feelings. "It's hard being your son."

What does he mean? I've always been there for my kids. I pride myself on it. Yeah. There has been a few times when I had to work and not be home but I like to think Edward and I are present in our kids' lives.

"Why?" I ask, hugging him. "Do you feel like we aren't…"

"You aren't doing anything wrong," he shakes his head. "It's everyone else," he points out. "As soon as they find out I'm a Cullen it's weird," he shrugs. "That's why I was glad when Ian and I went to a different school than Nate and Kennedy."

Andrew and Ian go to a high school that is geared more toward the arts. Ian goes because he's great with technology and the school has an amazing program for that. Andrew goes for culinary and literature.

"I imagine the artistic types wouldn't be into names anyway," I nod.

"She's just…cool," he confides.

"What's her name?" I ask. "Where is she from?"

I want details. I wonder if Dad still has clearance to get information. I'll ask him.

"Her name is DeeDee," he smiles off into the distance. "Well, it's really Wadricka but she hates that name."

Wadricka?

"She lets me call her DeeDee," she sighs. "She's from Harlem. She's studying at music and dance and Pulllam." He beams. "She's beautiful…and…great."

"Oh," I smile at his obvious joy. "I want to meet her," I tell him.

"Mom," he gasps in horror.

"Yes," I affirm. "I want to meet this girl who makes you come out of this shell," I poke him. "Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"Or Friday," I give him an option. "I'm pretty sure your father wants to meet her too."

"But…"

"What do you think we'll do? Scare her away?" I ask." I'll make an excellent wingman," I wink at him.

"Mom…"

"Tomorrow," I order. "Or Friday," I finish, going upstairs.

I reach the steps and hear Cassidy giggling and Edward making funny noises. I admit. He's good at that.

Suddenly, I feel my phone vibrating. I pick it up, knowing that people know better not to call past 10 unless it's important.

"Bella!" I hear Leah Clearwater shout. "You're up."

"Yeah," I look at the clock. "Why are you calling?"

"I got a brilliant as fuck idea," she rushes. "I was taking a shit and it came to me," I hear the sound of papers ruffling. "I want you on my team, bitch!" she shouts.

"Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

"No!" she refuses. "Now! I'm hype now."

"Well…" I start as Edward walks back in the room giving me the 'I'm gonna fuck you until you can't walk' look (my favorite). "See you later," I hang up and throw the phone across the room.

"Where were we?" he asks, locking the door and stalking towards me.

"Here," I palm his crotch and unbuckle his pants.

It's gonna be a long night.

Life is good.

 **Thanks for the continued love for this story. Don't forget to hop over to my blog Krys Loves Movies. Like. Subscribe. My latest blog is called *spoilers***  
 **RIP Jon Snow? 3 Reasons Why I REFUSE To Believe Jon Snow Is Dead.**

 **The next entry will be called Franchise Bait: 3 Movies Ruined By A Studio's Desperation To Start A Franchise. This one's title is a work in progress.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello lovelies!**

 **Thanks for all of the overwhelming love you guys gave chapter one. Also, thanks to whoever is visiting my WordPress blog. I see the number of visitors climbing and I know it's all thanks to you guys. I have a new blog entry up today. Check it out. Link is on my profile page.**

 **As requested, here are the family trees.**

 **Edward and Bella**

 **Nathan & Kennedy (17 years old)  
Andrew & Ian (14 years old)  
Cassidy (6 years old)**

 **Emmett and Rosalie**

 **Emmett Jr (EmJ) (18 years old)  
Lilly (16 years old)  
Scott (9 years old)**

 **Jasper and Alice**

 **Nigel (14 years old)  
Meredith (7 years old)**

 **EPOV**

"Fuck," my wife hisses, arching her back into me as I pound into her from behind.

"God damn it," I tighten my grip on her hips, thrusting faster. "Bella."

"Yes," she whimpers, gripping the headboard with one hand while she rocks her hips against me. "Just like that."

Fuck. I missed this.

"I missed you," I groan, reaching my hand around her to pinch her clit with my fingers. "So… much," I struggle.

"Me too, baby," she turns her head around to glance in my eyes. "So fucking…ah…" she shrieks and starts to clench around me.

"That's right," I rub her sensitive flesh as I thrust into her. "Cum for me," I whisper to her.

"Mmmm," she moans, her head leaning slightly to the side. "ah..ah..Edw…I'm…" she struggles.

"NOW!" I command, smacking her ass cheek.

"EDWARD!" she screams, as I feel her orgasm triggering my own.

"Shit," I huff, trying to catch my breath.

"You can say that," Bella smiles, her chocolate orbs burning through me like they have for the last 30 years.

"I love you," I grab her by the hair and capture her lips with mine.

"Love you too," she breathes, running her hands through my hair.

I'd been away from my family for two weeks.

That's 14 days…

Of no sex…

No Bella…

It was torture.

 _I thought I was going to get carpel tunnel._

"I missed you," I kiss down her neck.

"I know the feeling," she whispers into my ear. "I hate it when you're gone," she kisses my ear.

"You have no idea how much I think I needed this," I chuckle to her.

I needed the first time. The three after that…was icing on the cake.

"Oh, I do." she shares my chuckle. "You weren't the only one who went without," she snuggles into me. "My fingers can only do so much," she runs her fingers through my chest hair.

"What I wouldn't have given to be those fingers," I suck her first and middle fingers into my mouth.

"I have the sexiest husband alive," she blushes, plunging her head into the crook of my neck.

After all these years, I still make her blush. I take pride in that.

"No," I look at her ring finger. Even after 17 years of marriage, the sight of my grandmother's ring on Bella's finger brings out my inner caveman. "You have the luckiest husband alive," I kiss her ring.

"Sweetie," she wraps her arms around my neck. "I love it when you say shit like that," she runs her hand down my chest to my…

"Mom…Dad!" I hear one of the twins yell through the door.

"Fuck," we both hiss.

"Yes," Bella replies in her ' _I'm not doing anything_ wrong' voice that she uses with the kids. She only uses it when we're fucking. "What is it?"

"It's Roger," he mumbles. "He says that he couldn't get either of you two and he needs to talk to Mom."

"Can you tell him that I'll…"

"I said that an hour ago," he reads Bella's mind. "But you two were…busy," he finishes after a silence.

Shit.

"Shit," Bella pouts, kissing me and jumping out of bed to grab her robe. "Okay," she opens the door and grabs the phone.

"You guys are disgusting," Ian shakes his head slowly and walks off. I know it's him because his hair is everywhere more so than usual and he looks tired as shit.

Once Nathan and Kennedy turned two, Bella and I decided that we'd try for another child. You can imagine our shock that it was twins…again. When Bella had Ian and Andrew, it was impossible to tell them apart. Honestly, I think we might have switched their identities at birth after we took them home. Anyway, Bella had to put a fake mole on Ian so we could tell them apart. Once we got to know them, we learned that Andrew was the one that liked food. Ian liked to sleep.

They are their mother's children.

"Damn it," Bella throws the phone on the nightstand and crosses her arms.

I'll bite.

"What is it?" I ask, patting the bed next to me.

"I have to come in early tomorrow," she whimpers, falling in the bed next to me.

"How early?"

"4," she rolls her eyes. "I already agreed to 6. Why would they make it 4?" she huffs.

"Shit," I sigh.

Even though it's only a two hour difference, Bella and I hate it when the other gets called into work early. As you can imagine, I have enough pressure and responsibilities being a spouse and a parent. When you add the other shit to my plate, it gets hectic.

"I know," she pouts, scooting in next to me. "I want to get in as much sexy time as possible," she grins, kissing down my chest.

"I can go for some sexy time," I chuckle.

*Knock*Knock*

FUCK!

"Yes," I answer this time, as Bella rest her head on my chest.

"Dee Dee is going to be here in an hour," Andrew peeks his head in, shyly.

"Really?" I ask, shocked that it's so late in the day. I look at the clock.

With the exception of breakfast, snacks, and a couple of bathroom breaks, Bella and I have been fucking all day.

Sweet!

"Oh," Bella says, unenthusiastically. "Ok."

What's her problem?

"Yeah," he smiles. "I figured you guys would need some time to," he pauses.

"freshen up," he blushes, and backs away from the door.

Finally!

"I got another 30 minutes left in me," I announce, rolling on top of my wife.

"Mmph," she shrugs away from me, and gets out of bed again.

Huh? What did I do?

"Um…" I lead off. "I thought we were in the…" I start. "Are you mad at me?"  
"No," she sighs. "We need to start getting ready," she says, turning on the shower

Fuck.

"Okay," I reply, walking in after her.

She grabs the stuff for her hair and hops in the shower. Since I love the environment, I decide to step in with her.

 _It would be a shame to waste water._

"Now, where were we?" I ask, wrapping my arms around Bella, my cock growing more eager by the second.

"Stop it," she blushes, lightly shoving me away. She squirts some shampoo in her hair and starts washing.

So…I'm really not going to get any?

"Bambi?" I say in a sing-song voice, kissing her neck. "Come on," I urge, easing her into a corner.

"Edward," she rolls her eyes. "I'm serious," she says, pushing me away.

I'm confused.

We'd been fucking like animals all day. What gives?

"Did I do something in the past 10 minutes to piss you off?" I ask, grabbing my body wash. "If I did, I'm sorry," I apologize.

"No," she shakes her head, taking my body wash in her hands. "I'm just nervous," she confides, lathering up my body in soap.

Yes. We're getting somewhere.

"About?" I ask, scratching her scalp with my fingers.

"My special tonight," she whispers.

I shake my head. Bella always gets like this when she has to do a speech of any kind. She had another comedy special when the kids were younger. This will be her first one in like 7 years. She's worried people won't like it.

"You'll do great," I reassure her. "You'll do great because you are great," I kiss her nose. "I can't even believe you're nervous."

"Also…" she draws out. "We're meeting Andrew's girlfriend," she admits, blushing. "It's just…" she starts. "He's my baby."

"I'm just glad he's not gay," I say, honestly.

This year, Andrew took up literature, art, _and_ poetry classes. I was worried to say the least. I mean…he already likes recipes more than a boy his age. I'd love my son regardless of his sexual orientation. However, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happier than normal at the thought of him having a girlfriend.

"I know. I know," she huffs. "Part of me is happy that this girl seems to have brought Andrew out of his shell," she smiles. "The other half wonders how she's doing it," her smile falters.

By the look on her face, I can tell she's thinking about when she caught Nathan getting a blowjob in the washroom the other day. Bella would never admit it…but I think she cried.

"Bella…" I start. "He's at that age…"

"I don't like her," she pouts, scrubbing my chest a little too hard.

Ouch.

"You don't know her," I wince.

"It doesn't change anything."

"Do you realize how crazy you sound?" I ask, laughing at her.

"You hate Bean," she points out.

"I don't _hate_ Bean," I roll my eyes. "I simply disagree with his constant presence in the house…and the fact that he's sleeping with my princess," I end with a growl.

It's true. He's always…around…looking at my Kennedy like she's something to eat. If he weren't Emmett's son, I'd kill him.

"What?" she gasps, holding her chest. "Do you think Andrew is having sex?"

What? How did she get there?

"I didn't say…"

"That whore," she seethes, scrubbing my stomach raw.

Ahh!

"Bella…"

"She better be on birth control," she starts.

"Bella…"

"I'm not raising anyone's kids who aren't mine," she interrupts.

"Bella…"

"She can't just…"

"Bambi," I interrupt her, holding her face in my hands. "It's going to be okay," I smile, kissing her nose. "I promise."

"What if I don't like her?" Bella asks, nervous. "What if she doesn't like us?"

"Bella," I look in her eyes. "They're 14. Do you realize this may be the first and last time we meet her?" I ask.

"No," she smiles a little. "You mean it?"

"Yes," I chuckle. "It will be fine," I kiss her again. "Everything will be fine."

"It better be," she jokes at me. "If not, I'm holding you personally responsible," she warns, starting to scrub lower.

"I'll take that," I smile, taking the washcloth from her hands.

Once we get done in the shower, I put on a simple white button down shirt and some jeans. It took Bella settles on high-waist black trousers, a red and black polka dot top, and some sexy ass red pumps.

Mmmmm…

"I take it you like them," she smiles, slowly inching up her pants so I can get a better look at the shoes.

"Very much," I give her my crooked grin. "I'm expecting you to wear those…and nothing else later on tonight," I tell her nonchalantly.

"Of course," she smiles at me, crawling across the bed to give me a kiss.

"Ewww…" Cassidy complains, covering her eyes.

"You guys are gross," Nathan shivers.

"Really?" Bella asks, her hands on her hips. "We're gross? After what I was subjected to the other day?"

"Mo-om," he counters, hanging his head. "I said I was sorry. Believe me."

Nathan came to me, practically in tears, after Bella caught him getting…services…from that girl. He was so humiliated that his mother saw him that way.

"Sure. Sure," she jokes with him, before brushing a piece of lint off of his shirt.

"I'm never going to live that down," Nathan realizes.

"Not a chance in Hell," I pat him on the back, leaving the room.

"You and Mommy are gross, Daddy," Cassidy shakes her head. "You guys kiss _all_ the time," she exaggerates.

"That's what mommies and daddies do," I tell her.

"It's still icky," she shivers.

"One day, you'll find a boy that you want to kiss," Bella teases her.

"Bella!" I cover my daughter's ears, as Cass shakes her head vehemently. "Don't tell her that."

I'm not looking forward to that day. I hope it doesn't happen for another 20 years.

"Mhmm,"Bella uncovers her ears, nodding her head. "You're gonna wanna huuuug him…and kiiiisss him," she starts tickling her.

"Daddy, make Mommy stop," Cass giggles, moving behind me for protection. "I only want Daddy's kisses," she crosses her arms.

"Ahhhhh," I smile, kissing all over her face.

"SHIT!" Nate yells at his phone.

"Ooooh," Cassidy wags her finger at her brother. "Daddy, Nathan said a bad word," she informs.

"Stop swearing around your little sister," Bella smacks his head, walking downstairs.

"Sorry," he apologizes, running his fingers through his hair. "I just…sh..no!"

"I'll bite," I huff. "What's wrong?"

"Somehow Amy found out that Andrew's girlfriend is coming over," he gripes. "Now, she's insisting on coming over. She just said she'd be here in 10 minutes," he shakes his head. "I'm gonna punch Andrew in the face, when I see him."

"I'm telling," Cassy grins, walking down the hallway.

Cassidy is still in her 'tattle tell' phase. She's always spilling the beans about something.

It's great. I don't even have to bribe her.

"I'm sooo not prepared for this," Nate leans against the wall.

"Well…" I pause. "She got caught giving you a hummer…by your mother," I point out. "Give her a chance to redeem herself."

"We're not even going out," he starts.

"Does she know that?" I raise an eyebrow.

"We're partners in History. I brought her here so we could work on a project. I went to the washroom to put my basketball gear in the washroom. I turned around and my pants were around my ankles," he tells me. "I was ambushed."

I roll my eyes. Is he really trying to play the victim?

"Son," I pat his back. "I don't think you're as innocent as you're trying to be."

"That's what happened," he says. "Now, everyone thinks she's my girlfriend."

"You could have told her to stop," I point.

"It was a _blowjob_ ," he stretches. "What man would say no that that?" he asks, looking at me like I'm crazy.

"I'm done here," I sigh, walking downstairs.

"Hey, Mr. Cullen," Bean waves, eating a piece of toast.

"Hey," I deadpan, looking at the boy groping my daughter.

"I invited him," Kennedy smiles, kissing Bean's cheek. "I figured it would make things less awkward," she reasons, feeding EmJ some grapes.

He can't feed himself?

"What are you wearing?" I ask, pointing to my daughter's dress.

She has on a green dress… a short green dress.

I don't approve.

"Dad," she looks around. "It reaches my knees," she rolls her eyes. "Plus, it goes nicely with my complexion and my hair."

"Finger-tip test," I order.

Kennedy and I have a rule. No skin can be shown past her fingertips. I don't want her to flash her peach every time she bends down to pick something up.

"Come on!" she gasps. "Dad."

"You can always change," I give her an option.

"Fine," she reaches her arms down her sides.

"Ken," Nate walks past her. "You look like the Jolly Green Giant," he laughs.

Oh Shit.

"SHUT UP!" Kennedy punches her brother in the stomach and proceeds to put him in a headlock. "Take it back!"

"No!"

"Take it back!" she punches him in his ribs.

Kennedy is very tall for her age. In fact, she was a tall baby. She'll tell you that she's 5'11. But she's really 6 feet. She's become sensitive about it, over the years. She gets upset because she can't wear heels like all the other girls.

Nathan starts singing.

 _Valley of the Garden_

 _Garden in the Valley_

 _Valley of the Jolly Greeeeen Giant_

"Okay," I break them up.

"You look like a ho…ho," Nathan says in the Giant voice. I smack him for that one.

"You're such a douche!" Kennedy huffs, straightening her clothes.

"Go do something," Bella tells Nate.

"It's okay, honey," Bean kisses her temple. "I like my women tall."

"Finger-tip test," I remind her.

"What?"

"Did you think I forgot?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Ugh," she puts her hands down.

"All the way," I say.

"Edward!" Bella comes over between us. She pulls me to the side saying, "Her dress is fine."

"It's too short," I whisper.

"It goes to the middle of her thigh," she counters. "You're being ridiculous."

"It fails the finger-ti…"

"Kennedy had long arms because she's tall," she raises an eyebrow. "That test is biased and you know it."

Shit. I didn't think she'd catch that.

"Where did she find that dress anyway?" I cross my arms.

"She's at the age when she needs to be proud of her body," she starts.

"Us Weekly and People seem to be _pretty_ proud of her body," I growl, thinking about that spread that was in the media last year.

My poor baby's bikini body….exposed for perverts to jerk off to.

"You need to stop babying her," she squints at me.

"But…"

"Tell her she looks pretty," she orders, giving me a look that dares me to defy her.

Shit. This isn't good.

"Fine," I relent. "You look beautiful, Princess," I tell Kennedy.

"Thank you, Daddy," she smiles, looking at the floor.

"You sure do," Bean starts tickling her.

"Can't you…"

"Edward," Bella warns.

"Great," I throw my arms up.

"What's wrong?" Ian asks, putting his computer away. That thing is practically attached to his hip.

"Dad's geeking out over my outfit," Kenny deadpans. "Again."

"Just because I don't want you…"

"Dee Dee is going to be here any minute," Andrew interrupts, smiling. "Can we attempt to act normal?" he asks, wiping some flour off on his jeans.

"Hey!" I say. "We're normal…ish."

"You make us sound like a circus act," Kennedy rolls her eyes, as the doorbell rings.

"What is she like?" Cassidy asks. "Is she pretty? Is she funny? I'm excited," she smiles, looking at the door.

"Okay," Bella starts, opening to the door. "Let's try out best to make her feel welcome. She's not from around here so…Huh?" she asks.

"Hi, Amy," Nathan puts on a good face and hugs the girl in the entryway.

"Oh," Bella's smile fades a little. "It's…you."

I look at Bella who is taking in the nervous girl's outfit…what is left of it. She's wearing a short red dress and stilettos. The outfit looks like it comes with a pole.

"Yeah," the blonde haired girl grins awkwardly. "I wanted a chance to properly introduce myself," she smiles. "My name is Amy," she shakes my hand, walking inside.

"Hello, Amy," I look over at my wife…who currently doesn't look pleased. She sighs quietly and closes the door.

"Hello," Bella puts a smile on her face and ushers her into the dining room. "It's nice to…properly meet you," she says, giving me a look.

I hear the faint sound of a chuckle and immediately know that it's Ian. Nobody loves to watch awkward and embarrassing situations unfold quite like him. I see him looking between me, Bella, Nathan, and Amy shaking his head and trying his hardest not to giggle.

He's enjoying this too much.

"Go check on dinner," I point to the kitchen.

"But…" he gasps, motioning to Bella staring at Amy with a hint of contempt.

"Go," I order.

"Ugh," he gets up from the table.

"I would just like to apologize for what happened on Wednesday," Amy starts.

"Again," she looks at the table. "I just…"

"Please stop," Bella begs. "I've been praying for short-term memory loss, since it happened."

"Oh," the poor girl looks around the table. "Hi, Kennedy. Hi, Emmett," she waves.

"Hey, Amy," Emmett waves awkwardly. "How is cheerleading?"

"It's good," she nods her head, looking at Bella and I. "I like your dress," she compliments Kennedy.

"Thank you," Kenny smiles, giving me a pointed look.

"I have some like that. It's shorter though," she points out.

"Oh," I reply, returning Kenny's look. Her smile deflates.

"You should go out for cheerleading," Amy nods her head. "You're sooo pretty," she gushes.

"She is. Isn't she?" Bean nuzzles his face in Kennedy's hair.

"Hey!" I point at him with my fork.

"Thanks," Kennedy blushes, twisting her napkin between her fingers.

"Since you're so tall, you can act as like a centerpiece for the rest of us with normal height," she adds.

"Really?" Kennedy says through her teeth, glaring at Nathan. "How thoughtful of you."

"I am huge fans of both of you," Amy starts. "Bella, you are so…" *Ding*Dong*

"I'll get it," Bella gets up from the table.

"I'll…help," I follow her.

"Did you see that?" Bella whispers, walking to the door. "She called me by my first name. Did you see her outfit?" she asks. "I can't believe Nathan brought that cock-sucking girl into my house," she seethes.

"Give her a chance," I huff. "She's nervous."

"Strike two, Edward," she puts up two fingers.

"I got it," Andrew walks in front of us, straightening his clothes. "Hey," he blushes opening the door.

"Hi," the girl smiles back coming through the door. "Mr. Cullen," she looks at me. "Mrs. Cullen," she looks at Bella. "Thank you for inviting me," she breathes, taking out a tin of treats. "I made you guy some pretzel toffee," she gives Bella the tin.

"Pretzel toffee?" Bella asks, staring at the girl and opening the tin at the same time and smelling it. "It's okay," she says, after taking a bite.

"You didn't have to," Andrew said.

"I couldn't _not_ bring anything," the girl replied, looking at us.

"That was very thoughtful," I eat a piece of toffee.

FUCK!

"Mom, Dad, this is Wadricka," he introduces us a beautiful brown skinned young lady.

"Hell…"

"But you guys can call me Dee Dee," she blurts out. "I mean…Wadricka can me kind of a mouthful," she rushes again. "Sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off," she apologizes.

"It's okay," Bella waves it off. "It can be nervous meeting your _boyfriend's_ parents," she pinches Andrew's cheek, teasing them.

"Mom," he shirks away from her. "Come on," he grabs Dee Dee's hand. "I'll take you to the others," they leave the entryway.

"Oh my God," Bella collapses against the door and reopens the tin. "This is fucking great," she sighs, stuffing her face full of toffee.

"I know," I agree, getting some more.

"Who would have thought?" she asks. "The saltiness of pretzels…and the sweetness of toffee…perfect," she breathes. "I like her."

"Only because she brought food."

"The girl knows how to make a great first impression," she shrugs, stuffing her face. "I couldn't let her know that I liked her right away," she rolls her eyes.

"Take the can upstairs," I wipe my mouth.

"What about the kids?" she asks, holding up the treats.

"What about them?" I ask.

Smiling, she kisses me and hides the candy. We walk into the dining room to find everyone is serving their plates.

"Your earring is super cute," Kennedy compliments, Dee Dee.

"Thanks," she smiles. "My mom made it for me. She makes jewelry as a hobby."

"It's pretty," Cassidy runs her finger over the earring that curls around the shell of Dee Dee's ear. "I want one," she pouts.

"I can see if she'll make you one," Dee Dee smiles at her. "You too," she says to Kennedy.

"Cool," they say in unison.

"They're different…totally…ghetto fab," Amy smiles.

Shit.

The entire table erupts in silent, which is interrupted by Ian's giggle. He disguises it as choking on his orange juice.

"Well…" Dee Dee sighs. "I try."

"French toast," Emmett says, trying to make conversation. "Yum."

"I love French toast," Dee Dee tells Andrew.

"Really?" he asks. "I didn't know that," he blushes.

Something tells me that he did.

"Pass the bacon," Bella requests. "and the eggs… and the strawberries…and a waffle…and three pancakes," she adds, thinking of anything else.

Tonight is Bella comedy show. So, Andrew decided to cook her favorite meal…breakfast.

"Woah," Amy whispers, staring at Bella's plate.

"How did you guys meet?" Nathan blurts out, in an attempt to distract from his guest's behavior.

"Oh God," Andrew puts his head in his hand.

"I needed an elective so I enrolled in the Southern Cuisine class," Dee Dee starts.

"The teacher had the boys pick a name from a hat," she starts giggling.

"Dee…" Andrew starts.

"Andrew couldn't pronounce my name," she chuckles. "He was going,

'Wah…Way…Wee,'" she looks at him. "I put him out of his misery."

"Awww…" Bella smiles, pouring syrup over her eggs. "That's cute."

"Then, I saw him in my poetry, lit, and art classes," she says.

Bella pinches my thigh under the table. I look at her and she smiles. Her eyebrows wiggle and we share the same thought.

Andrew wasn't gay. He was just stalking Dee Dee.

Like father, like son.

"It just grew from there," Andrew kisses Dee Dee's cheek.

"What about you guys?" Andrew's guest points to Nathan and Amy.

"Shut up, Ian," Nathan growls at his brother, who is indeed laughing.

"Nate and I are in the same History class," Amy's eyes glaze over. "It was love at first sight."

"I met you two days ago," Nate looks at her dumbfounded.

"I know," she gushes, hugging him.

Bella just looks at me.

Strike three.

"That's so cute," Kennedy smirks at Nathan.

"Em, what colleges are you looking at?" he asks, silently begging his best friend for help.

"USC, LSU," Em starts rambling. "Everything and nothing," he says.

"Where do you want to go Natie?" Amy asks.

"I'm not really thinking…"

"Well you should," she starts. "Unless you're thinking about going into the business," she thinks out loud, her eyes getting big. "Are you?" she asks. "That would be so…"

"What's for desert?" Nate asks.

All things considered, it was a successful dinner. Amy only put her foot in her mouth two more times after that. I think I saw Nathan's soul leave his body at one point. I don't see how he attracts women like that.

It's like Bella's brother all over again. This time, it's not as funny.

"I had such a fun time talking to you guys," Amy grabs her jacket. "I'm so happy that you invited me," she smiles. What? She invited herself. "I look forward to seeing you guys again," she kisses Nathan. "Walk me to my car," she orders, walking out the door.

"Dear, God," I whisper.

"It's like my brother all over again," Bella huffs. "It must be genetic," she looks deep in thought.

"We're one for two," I sigh. "Andrew didn't do too badly."

"I know," she smiles. "Where is the toffee?" she rubs her stomach.

"Give it!" I hear Kennedy yell.

"No!" Cassidy runs past us. "I found it first," she hugs the toffee tin to her chest.

"Mom and Dad told you about sharing."

"Like when you hid the remote to the downstairs TV so I couldn't watch?" she asks, taking a handful of toffee and sticking it in her mouth. "Mmmm…it's gooood," she taunts, licking her fingers.

"Give me the toffee," Kennedy reaches for the tin.

"Toffee?" Ian peeks his head in from around the corner. "I want some!" he perks up.

"It has pretzels in it," Cass informs, getting some more.

"Who made this?" Nate asks, coming back inside.

"Dee Dee," Bella pouts, as our children devour the remaining treats like savages.

"What the Hell?" Andrew asks, looking at the scene before him. "I didn't get to have any."

"It's okay," Dee Dee giggles. "I'll make some more."

"Please do," Cassidy picks some from between her teeth.

"You're still here?" Bella asks, looking at her watch.

"It's only 7:30," I whisper in her ear. "Calm down."

"Mom, Dad," Andrew starts slowly. "I know you guys are probably leaving soon. Is it okay for Dee Dee to stay another hour or so?" he asks.

He probably didn't see it but Bella's brow deflated a little.

"Did you ask your mother?" I ask Dee Dee.

"She said as long as I'm home by 10, I'm okay," she says.

"We'll drive her home," Bean says, pointing to himself and Kennedy.

"Okay," Bella shrugs, as my pocket vibrates.

"The car is ready," I nudge her shoulder.

"Bye," all the kids say, getting in line to give their mother a hug.

"Good luck, Mommy," Cassy kisses her cheek.

"Break a leg, Mom," Nate hugs her.

"I'll try," she says. "Let's just hope they don't boo me off the stage."

"Um…" Dee Dee whispers coming up to us. "My mom is on duty at the hospital. She's a nurse. She asked me to get your autograph," she hangs her head. "Is that okay?"

"Sure, honey," Bella smiles, signing the paper and giving it to me.

"Have fun," I say, giving the girl the piece of paper.

"Not too much fun," Bella points to Andrew and Kennedy, before following me out the door and into the limo.

"So," Alice rushes up to us. "How was she?" she asks, prodding for details.

"She's okay," Bella shrugs.

"Shit," Rose shakes her head. "What happened?"

"Nothing," I interrupt. "She was a nice young lady. She even brought pretzel taffy…which was delicious," I say.

"That's beside the point," Bella crosses her arms.

"Nigel says she's nice," Alice chimes in, handing Bella a cream colored dress and heels.

Ooooh.

"He's met her?" I ask, watching Bella start to change.

It never gets old.

"As soon as Alice found out, she badgered the poor boy for information until he begged for mercy," Rose giggles, checking her phone.

"I guess he could do worse," Bella admits, putting on her shoes and jewelry.

She starts ringing her hands and jumping up and down like a boxer.

"Okay, Ali?" I smile, bringing up the time she almost killed Emmett.

Was that really 18 years ago?

Damn, we're old.

"Shut up," she blushes, playfully pushing my shoulder.

"Never," I smile, wrapping my arms around her.

"Wishful thinking," she turns around to kiss me. "I love you."

"I love you too," I say against her chest.

"It's time to separate, lovebirds," Roger comes in, pulling Bella away from me.

"Hey," she pouts.

"Your public awaits, your majesty," he says in a British accent, gesturing to the doors.

"Oh, dear," she bites her nails, before Nigel hands her a microphone.

"Wish me luck," she begs, pushing her lips out for a kiss.

"No," I kiss her. "You don't need it."

"Awww…." Rose and Alice coo, making fun of us.

"Let's go, Missy," Roger tugs her out of the room.

"She'll be fine," Rose puts her head on my shoulder. "She always is."

 **BPOV**

"Okay, Bells," Roger pumps me up. "You've got this," he shrugs it off, as we get closer and closer to the lift.

The faint sounds of the crowd cheering gets to be more recognizable by the step. A small smirk comes on my lips, as I realize they're chanting my name. Be-lla

Be-lla

Be-lla

"See?" my assistant nudges me. "They love you," he helps me onto the lift.

"We'll judge that afterwards," I say, as I hear the announcer start his introduction.

"And now… the moment you all have been waiting for…the one…the only… BELLA CULLEN!" he shouts, and the crowd follows suit.

"Okay. Okay," I smile, waving them to sit down. "I'm not that big of a deal," I roll my eyes. "Okay, one more time," I giggle, before the crowd goes wild again. "Stop. I mean it, this time," I wave them down.

I walk across the stage, looking at the crowd. There is such a diverse group of people. Young. Old. Black. White. Hispanic. I smile, touched that they came to see me.

"Wow," I grin, looking around one more time. "All of you guys are here to see my old ass," I shake my head, to a few chuckles. "Seriously, I feel old as hell, looking at all of you young people in here," I start. "I see looks of disappointment in some of you guys faces… 'Heeeey, she's not Kirsten Stewart,'" I say in my airhead voice, causing the crowd to laugh.

Yes.

"I don't even know why people think we still look alike," I admit, confused. "I'm only 12 years older than her," I add. "Plus, she gets this look of like… 'What the fuck?' when people bring it up," I giggle. "That serves to make me feel even shittier," I pout. "Do you know what makes _any_ person feel old?" I start, leaning forward.

"Really?"

I hear members of the audience say mumbles answers.

"When grown ass women ask me for advice that shit makes me feel ancient," I start. "When in the Hell did I become the fucking oracle for female celebrities?" I ask. "You have no idea how many young celebrities ask me questions about 'how to make it,'" I chuckle, in an elaborate voice. "I don't know! I think God has a fucking awesome sense of humor because I have literally _no_ idea how I got to this point," I shrug, and the audience giggles. "Why do people come to me with question?" I ask, honestly.

It's true. Whenever I go out to an awards show or I meet a fellow celebrity in passing, they always want to pick my brain. They always leave feeling disappointed. "I think it's because I'm brutally honest to the point of being bitchy," I admit, using an awkward face. "In Hollywood, everyone has a 'yes' man. No one has a person that tells them how it is," I say. "I have volunteered to be that person for everybody. It's taking its toll," I start. "One celebrity asked me, 'What's it like being pregnant? What's it like being a mom?" I say in a blonde voice.

"It's stressful as Hell!" I admit, causing them to laugh. "You pray every day that your son doesn't get arrested and your daughter doesn't become a stripper," I tell and hear more laughs. "Seriously, you wake up ready. Ready for what? Who knows? But…you're ready," I say. "Now that I'm getting old, I feel myself slipping though," I laugh. "It's getting hard for me to remember stuff. I forget what I'm mad about halfway through the sentence," I chuckle. "Who got the…thing...with the…" I start, my voice elevating, and looking mad. "WHO GOT THE THING WITH THE SHIT IN IT?" I ask, shouting. "It was right here!" I stomp my foot.

"No one tells you how to be prepared," I shake my head. "Even down to being pregnant…no one tells you," I add. "No one tells you that when you get to a certain point in your pregnancy that you will consider cannibalism," I add, causing everyone to gasp. "Don't judge me. You've all done it," I shake my finger. "When I was pregnant the second time, I had an in-depth thought about how certain races would taste," I think back, making a thoughtful face. "Would they taste like their stereotypes?" I ask further. "Would Latino people taste spicy?" I ask thoughtful. "Would you not get the full experience if you didn't have chips and salsa with them?" I add, causing the entire stadium to laugh. "Would you get hungry again quicker if you ate an Asian person?" I question, getting more laughs. "White people…well they have no flavor so they probably wouldn't taste good," I wonder, getting more laughs.

The entire stadium gets quiet, as each person looks at me in anticipation.

"Ahhh…" I grin, walking across the stage. "Every person in here is waiting for me to do it…to make _the_ joke…" I look at them.

They're waiting for me to say black people would taste like chicken.

"Nope," I shake my head, popping the 'p.' "I won't do it," I giggle, as the look on everybody's faces. "Hahah…I just made everyone in here feel uncomfortable," I chuckle louder. "I feel racist," I say in my 'pitiful' voice, and they all laugh.

"Seriously though, your fatassery will know no bounds," I start again. "I was watching an episode on the Travel channel about delicacies in different countries with my husband one time. It was talking about how some cultures they eat dogs," I start, giggling at the memory. "He was like, 'Oh God. I can't believe they eat dogs,'" I say in my 'Edward' voice and everyone chuckle. "I felt so disgusted with myself because I'm looking at him and he is sooo repulsed…but I was thinking of recipes in my mind," I admit, causing everyone to laugh.

"Pitbull and potatoes," I lick my lips, as the crowd laughs. "Rotisserie Rottweiler," I add, as the laughs grow louder. I wait and then say, "Poodles and Noodles," before the crowd goes wild.

"But weird craving, bloating, morning sickness…" I pause. "Everyone knows about that," I wave it off. "You want to know a secret?" I ask, smirking. "The one thing that every pregnant woman keeps to herself," I add. "There is a possibility that you'll shit yourself during labor," I say, to a mixture of laughter and sounds of awe. "Oh, yes. Oh, yes," I nod my head. "Your doctor will sit you down and tell you that you could possibly shit yourself," I say again to more laughter. "That's not the funny part, though," I shake my head. "The funny part is the look on your husband's face when he finds out," I start laughing, thinking about how Edward looked at me when I told him. "He first has a look of confidence…followed by fear," I end with a whisper. "It's like I could hear my husband's thoughts," I laugh. "Pssh. There's no way, she'll do that. I mean…come on," I say in 'Edward's' voice. "BUT…" I add, in a whisper. "No…No...not her…" I add a whimper, shaking my head.

"Ladies, when you're in labor a little shit is the least of your worries," I roll my eyes, to a sound of women clapping. "Labor makes cramps feel like a paper cut," I say. "Also, don't let any of your organic-food-eating…Whole Foods-shopping friends try to talk you out of an epidural," I say firmly. "They're all like, 'That's how our ancestors did it, man'" I say in my 'hippie' voice. "Do you know what I think my ancestors were thinking about when they were pushing an 8 pound baby out of their vagina?" I ask. "A HOSPITAL!" I answer, to claps and laughter. "A magical building…where everything was white…. And sterile… that was filled with people who were trained to help you…and each one of those trained people has a magical elixir that makes the pain go away…" I lead off in a whisper. "I was in so much pain, I would have settled for _experimental_ shit to make the birth go faster," I start. "Well…" I say in a 'doctor' voice. "We'll replace your IV with Gatorade…take a thumbtack, some silly putty, and a patch of sandpaper and the baby will fall out…in theory," I say. "BUT…there is a 30 percent chance the baby will have to lose a toe in the process." I make a thoughtful face before saying, "I can live with that…start the drip!" I tap my arm, and the crowd starts laughing.

"Then, you have to raise them," I pout. "It's kinda hard," I shrug, to laughs. "I gave up weed, when I had kids," I start. "It wasn't because I was scared that I'd get high and put my baby in the oven," I roll my eyes. "I just didn't want my child's legitimate first memory of me to be when I was high," I giggle. "I could see my 6 year old crying," I start whimpering, and wiping my eyes. "Mommy," I start crying. "All of the Cocoa Puffs are gone!" I cry, shaking my shoulders and the crowd starts laughing. "Next thing I know, I'm starting an investigation of the missing Cocoa Puffs and I know that I ate them," I huff.

"Cereal was a big thing when I first had kids. I didn't want them to be hyper," I admit. "So, I only let them have Kix," I admit, to a crowd shaking their heads. "I know. I felt terrible. It didn't last long. Mostly, because I missed god cereal…but also," I pause. "Kix is like the handjob of cereal," I say, causing the crowd to laugh. "It's good…but you know what they _really_ want," I wiggle my eyebrows. " I couldn't do that to them."

"All jokes aside," I smile. "Kids are great. They give you macaroni necklaces and drawings of shit that confuses you," I hunch my shoulders with glee. "Enjoy it while it lasts because as soon as they get periods and boners it's a different story," I pout, when the crowd laughs.

I admit, "I caught my son getting a blowjob the other day," to a lot of gasps. "I know. It was horrifying," I shiver. "When your kids get to be old enough, you need to come to grips that they're having sex," I shrug. "My son is kind of a ladies man," I wave off. "I always ask him, "How do you get girls?" I say. "He's a cute little man but I'm always curious. Wanna know what he told me?" I cock my head to the side.

I pull my invisible shirt up and walk away.

"I'm Edward Cullen's son," I shrug my shoulders in my son's voice. "That's all I need to say," I look at the audience in a WTF way.

"The trick is…finding out when they start having sex," I say. "They'll never admit it," I shake my head. "In my opinion, if you don't know when your kids start fucking something is wrong with you," I say to laughter. "When a boy gets laid, he's happy for _no_ reason," I say, smiling from ear to ear. "No….nothing," I smile. "I'm just…in a good mood," I say in a boy's voice. "I could tell because my son's voice changed literally overnight," I confess. "He went on a date and was like, 'Bye, Mom. See you later,'" I say in a child's voice. "He came back and was like, 'Hey,'" I mimic Barry White's voice, I shift my imaginary balls and the crowd starts howling. "I looked at my husband and was like…'Yep…that's pussy,'" I nod my head. "Definitely pussy," I nod again.

"Girls go around like, 'Hi,'" I sigh in a 'baby doll' voice. "They think they're 'sexy,' now," I put sexy in air marks.

"That's when boys and girls start acting different," I notice. "Boys walk around like, 'Can they tell?'" I ask, with a happy face. "Girl, that's when they get their first round of attitude," I roll my eyes. "Also, sexually active girls tend to flip their hair a lot," I say, flipping my hair from the left to the right. "They say, 'I'm a woman,'" I look taken aback. "No you're not. You're a 16 year old with a shitty attitude," I say. I feel like all the parents started laughing and clapping their hands. "I didn't say that…but I wanted to."

"Have you ever wanted to fight your kids?" I ask, genuinely interested in their responses. "Not like verbal…but to physically fight them?" I elaborate. "I mean like," I start taking off my jewelry and my earring. Then, I kick off my shoes. "You…me…outside. NOW!" I point behind me and start cracking my neck. The crowd starts laughing.

"You know what?" I ask. "I don't think spanking should be illegal," I put my hands up in surrender.

There is a bill in the Senate trying to band spanking your children.

"Nobody wants to be the parent in the grocery store… 'Jeffers…'" I start, slapping my thighs like I'm talking to a child. "Jeffers…stop running sweetie…we talked abo…don't take the candy out of the bag…Jeffers…Jeffers…honey…" I pause, as the place starts laughing. "My father would have kicked me into oblivion, if I did that shit," I say, taken aback. The crowd starts laughing.

"Spanking is a lost art form," I start again. "You guys remember when your parents smacked for acting like an asshole?" I ask. "I miss that. They don't let us do that thing called…" I lead off. "What's it called? Oh, yeah…parenting," I say like a just thought of it. "My father beat me like my middle name was piñata," I put my hands on my hips and hear laughter. "He got me so good, I thought a fun-sized Snickers was going to come out of my mouth," I shiver. "People don't discipline their kids…then act surprised when they turn out to be serial killers," I put my hands on my hip.

"That being said," I say, backing up. "I don't want to be the mom that puts her child in a coma for asking for a candy bar either," I giggle, and the audience follows suit. "We've all seen it," I nod my head. "WHAT DID I SAY IN THE CAR?" I yell, kicking the chair over. "YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY JELLY BEANS!" I point at the chair, before picking it up and looking around to see if anyone saw. "Isn't that awkward?" I look around. "The mom looks at you and you have to decide if you're going to say something or not and you eventually walk away from them like they're a wild animal," I say, putting my hands up. "But…it's like…your son is supposed to like jelly beans…he's four," I say in my awkward voice, to laughter.

"I'm afraid to vote on it, because they always make you vote on other shit that's not on TV," I pout, and the audience giggles. "I mean, you vote for the President and Senators and stuff, because you see them on TV," I elaborate. "Every time you go to vote in an election, they hit you with some random ass bill," I complain.

"Do you vote yes on the Rezonification of the Quadrification of Quadrant Four?" I ask in an eager voice. "Uh…" I say, confused. "No…Yeeeeesss?" I answer, looking unsure.

"Someone pops out and screams, 'Congratulations, you bitch!'" I yell, in an angry voice. "You just voted to build a highway through a retarded school," I cross my arms and the crowd laughs. "Why didn't you fucking say that, then?" I ask, offended.

"At that point, they chalk it up to me being old and leave me alone," I shrug. "That's a good thing about being 48, your young enough so people aren't yelling at you… 'IT'S A NICE DAY OUTSIDE,' I say in a patronizing voice, complete with fake smile to laughter. "However, you're old enough to where people assume that you no longer give a shit," I say. "Well, I never gave a shit so I guess I was always ahead of the curve," I sigh.

"I'm getting to the point in my life when my doctor doesn't diagnose me anymore," I chuckle. "My arm clicks now," I admit, placing the microphone over my right shoulder so the audience can hear it. "When it first happened, I was all scared." I start. "I was scared that I had some rare shoulder disease," or something," I sigh. "I go to the doctor and he kinda pissed me off," I huff. "I mean this is a Hollywood doctor. He visits with celebrities and politicians. He went to Harvard. He drives a fucking Bentley!" I admit, to their surprise. "Yet, when I asked him what my shoulder was he said… 'Oh…it just does that now,'" I shrug my shoulder, causing laughter.

"I'm not understanding him. I ask him… 'Is something wrong?" I ask, concerned.

"Well…" I start in my 'doctor' voice. "'You're 48 years old,' he says it like it's an explanation," I end in disbelief. "I could give you some ibuprofen…but that might cause a hole in the lining of your stomach. Then, we'd _really_ have a problem."

"I guess that's what they teach at Harvard," I say, thick with sarcasm. "To think, he just says that all day and we stupid celebrities pay him enough to buy a Bentley," I roll my eyes. "I can tell that he wanted to say, 'You're 48 fucking years old,' but he didn't. He actually made the f-sound before he corrected himself," I say, as the audience laughs. "

"It's hard getting old," I wind down. "I can honestly say that it's been a good ride," I nod in appreciation. "I can't believe that all of you guys came here tonight," I start clapping. The audience follows suit. I look around to people standing out of their seats and cheering and a rush flows through my body. "God bless," I take a bow, before the curtain falls.

It's over.

"Perfect!" Rose smiles, hugging me.

"You looked great," Alice beams. "You didn't kick your shoes in the crowd. Did you?" she asks, worried.

"Here," Roger comes, shoes and jewelry in hand.

"Thanks," Alice and I smile.

"I have the world's most fabulous boss," Roger kisses my cheeks.

"Second…" Alice challenges.

"Third…" Rose chimes in.

"Bitches," I roll my eyes, as I find myself lifted off the ground.

"Here we go," the peanut gallery says in unison, as Edward spins me around.

"Hey," I kiss him, after he puts me down.

"Hey," he smiles at me, going back in for another kiss.

We get carried away, our tongues licking and sucking each other, before a cough snaps us out of it.

"What?" Edward asks, as I start to kiss his neck.

He smells so fucking delicious. I still haven't found out what it is.

"I need to talk to Bella about an idea," Rose says.

"Tomorrow," I stop her, hugging Edward's side. "We have…plans," I smile sinisterly.

That involve Edward's penis.

"TMI," Alice scowls.

"Well…" Edward picks me up again. "We need to get out of here."

I love that Edward still likes to pick me up. But…he's 48. I don't want him to break his back, trying to be romantic.

"Did you like it?" I ask, as he gently puts me down inside the limo.

"I loved it," he smiles, nipping at my neck. "You were so funny," he adds. "You looked so beautiful," he unzips the back of my dress.

"You're so horny today," I blush, pushing the fabric to my waist.

I am too…so we're good.

 **There we have it!**

 **I will start the sequel after I wrap up Emotional Warfare! Again, sorry for the wait!**

 **Reviews make me happy!**

 **Lavelle Crawford, Louis C.K. , and Patton Oswalt gave me some jokes for the comedy special.**


	3. Update

Hello, guys!

Long time. No read.

Your private messages and reviews have not gone unnoticed.

I know. I know. I've been a bit late with updating a few of my stories. I suck.

I don't want you all to think that I have abandoned you. As a matter of fact, nothing can be further from the truth.

Earlier this year, I experienced a really intense health scare. The doctors couldn't pinpoint what was wrong. After six weeks of discomfort, inner turmoil, clinical tests and the mention of the dreaded 'C-word', my rather simple medical issue was correctly diagnosed and I got better. Great doctors ROCK!

Then, I lost my job— lack of creativity. *insert eye roll*

As you can imagine, 2016 has thrown me for a loop.

Contrary to popular assumption, I did not feel upset or scared about getting fired. I did not like my job and didn't find it particularly inspiring. I found it hard to get out of bed in the morning to go to a job I didn't like with people I couldn't stand. I felt relieved. Good riddance. Thanks to smart financial planning, I'm lucky to have enough finances to last about a year. Therefore, I'm not pressed for money yet.

When you think that your time on this Earth may be limited, it forces you to put things into perspective. I wanted to be fulfilled emotionally and spiritually by my work. So, I was in a position to think about what I wanted my next move to be. Immediately, it hit me.

I want to be a published author.

I am proud to say that I am mostly finished with my first full-length novel! If I have my way, it will be finished and available online by Valentine's Day next year. It's been hell receiving critiques from editors and other professionals but it is worth it.

In addition to completing my book, I've found some new work and have also started my own podcast with one of my best friends. It covers movies, music, TV and other pop culture topics. It's his passion project so I'm helping him out with his social content, topic selection and editing. We're about five episodes in and we're getting better EVERY episode.

Want a sneak preview of my upcoming novel?

Follow the KVA Podcast (at WeLovetoArgue on Twitter) on iTunes or Google Play and leave a review. Then, PM me with your email address. It's that simple. The reviews don't even have to nice. We welcome all honest feedback.

Getting the chance to put my plot bunnies to work in fun and news ways has always been a high point in my life. Whenever I post a new update, I check my phone constantly for reviews and criticism. Over the years, you all have truly made me a better author. I look forward to stepping forward in this next phase in my life with you all.

Thank you.

I just want you all to know that I'm not dead.


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